Monday, July 11, 2005

Hard

I went to the cemetery yesterday to see mom. That was hard, last week it wasn't so bad because the marker want up yet. This week it was, It was very nice. (Wow my sentence structure is poor today. OH well.) I just miss her so much, I miss how I could talk to her about any thing. I find my self not wanting to go back to any of my activities. It's not that I don't want to go out in public. It's just I don't want to do any thing that I did when she was here. People keep telling me that I need to get back to normal. WELL NOTHING IS NORMAL!!!!! My life has changed for good. There is no normal. I have to create a new normal. And what was normal 3 weeks ago is not normal now. God I hate that word NORMAL. What is normal and why does everyone care so damn much about it?
Why cant I just stop every thing I was doing and start new things. I think I might take up Yoga and go to a ballet class. The only thing I don't mind going back to is the Irish simply because I'm making this new dress and I'm gonna wear it!
I have a hard time laughing at much of any thing. Every thing I see reminds me of her.
If I didn't have any ties (i.e. Close friends, husband, dad, etc. ) I would be the type to run. I just hate seeing everything around here. I just want a total change of scenery. I want a new job, I want new Dance classes I want a new house. I'm just sick and tired of this crap.
Maybe Susie sunshine will be back tomorrow. I doubt it I have to go back to work.

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